This weeks challenge is to look at what are you actually TAKING up? What are you giving yourself? Are you learning something new? Taking up a new sport? Giving yourself a social life?
Holy Moly - What a great question!! Time to reflect on THE POSITIVE.
I have always (always always) been a negative nelly - just ask my husband!! I always saw the downside to everything - I always found ways to drown myself in my own negativity. Living in the depths of sufficating eating disorders all of my life lead to an absolute absence of self belief. I would keep journals of how much I hated myself and telling myself daily how worthless I was. You can't succeed on a 5 day fast if you love and cherish yourself!! You can't make it through huge binge and perge session, head hanging over the toilet bowl or pushing food down the plug hole in the shower and be beaming with self respect and pride!!
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| Some pages of my old diaries. |
When I joined 12WBT last year it was for the same reason that I started any "diet" I wanted to LOSE. I wanted to LOSE weight I wanted to LOSE fat, I wanted to LOSE my mummy tummy and LOSE the size 14 clothes in my cupboard.
I NEVER imagined just how much I would GAIN - I GAINED self respect, I GAINED self pride, self belief, self adormation. I GAINED a new love and appreciation for myself, for exercise, for food, for LIFE!!!
Absolutely shocked the hell out of me!! I gained SO much more than I lost!!
This round is different again. My mindet has had a HUGE shift so far. This will be my biggest GAIN this round. I believe in myself. Simple but OH SO empowering.
Doing Lean and Strong is so enriching and empowering. I don't remember feeling so empowered as this since giving birth, naturally, to my daughter two and a half years ago. That pride that amazement at just what my body can do!! That's what I feel now - it amazes me what I am achieving so far in L&S and it is not unlike that feeling of giving birth for that second time. The first time I was frightened (read - terrified), out of control and wished for death - I still got through it drug free like I had planned but I was begging for drugs, begging for it all to end. The second time I was calm, relaxed, strong, determined and afterwards felt like a superhero - I went into to it telling myself that I would absolutely take the drugs if I needed it - but I didn't - It was ALL ME, body, soul and mind synced and purposeful.
That's what I feel like in this program!!
I am achieving things that I never dreamt possible - like going into labour, I was scared - but I took control. Going into L&S i was terrified of failure, of not being able to do it - but I can and I am!!
Sure I haven't seen too much in the way of results yet (except an increase on the scales 3 weeks in a row) BUT I'm not giving up!! ANOTHER WIN!! The old me would have packed in the towel by now, grabbed a block of chocolate and given the L&S the finger!! (and probably felt so ashamed and worthless that I would have headed off to the toilet bowl).....
I am a new me! That's what I've given myself and my family!! There is still work to do - I am not a mindset powerhouse - I have doubts, I have fears - But I'm overcoming them day by day - it only gets better from here!!!
It really, truely is more about being fit and healthy for me now than being rail thin and bony!! I want muscles not bones, I want abs not ribs, I want tonned legs not sticks.
I Never thought I'd shake the "thin thin thin at anycost" mentality - thanks to Michelle Bridges and this program - I can now safely say that is in my past - a fit, healthy happy, mind and body is in progress, but definately my future!!
Xx
