Well Easter 2012 has been and gone - THANK GOD!!!
For me it was a series of highs and lows and I'm trying not to get caught up in the lows - but I'll start with them:
Low
My training MOST definately suffered over the 4 day weekend - The gym was closed for 2 days and had limitted opening hours for the other 2....neither fitting in with my work/sleep/travel schedule.
I absolutely could not have trained - even though I wanted too. Even to me this sounds like excuses, excuses, excuses, The long weekend started and I was already 2 days and 1 night into a 7 day working week- looking down the line at 4 Easter Public Holiday Night shifts. To top it off my little family were up at Bribie- so on very (very very very) little sleep I was travelling back and forth. I calculated on Sunday that over the previous 4 days I'd had 12.5hours sleep...TOTAL!! So averaging 3hrs sleep a night, 10hour shifts and dangerously travelling to Bribie at 2am and back at 2pm - I was the walking DEAD!! Training was on my mind- but certainly not on my agenda - shattered!!
High
I made it through Easter keeping true to my word that Choclate has absolutely no place in my diet. I am so proud of myself!! Sooooooo much temptation - I feel like a Biggest Loser Contestant playing temptaion!! They have a 24hour Tempation challenge this week - my chocolate tempation seems never ending!! The kids have SO much chocolate in the house!! They are not big chocolate eaters and are getting through it SO slowly! I packed some up and sent it out of the house today (Thanks to my Chocolate Loving Bestie for taking some for the team!!). I will stay strong and I have no doubt that I'll live through this sipping my Jarrah Hot Chocolate to get my choccie fix for 46cal!!
Low
My nutrition was NOT squeeky clean over the Easter 4 days! Friday was great - squeeky clean - I survived lunch at my mums with cheesecake, potato bake, garlic bread, chocolate. Saturday was good - mostly clean (too many pretzels!!), Sunday was a disaster -breaky was good - but thats where it ended - poor choices for snacks (3 scotch finger biscuits a handful of cheezels and too many wafer biscuits) saw me skip lunch - by 9pm I was at work with no food and no clue!! I was deleriously tired and extremely hungry and.......ordered pizza!! I ate 3...no make that 4 pieces of vegetarian pizza from pizza hut.....I didnt do the ordering so I ended up with pan base!! Noooooo!!!! I tidied up by Monday but I was still disappointed in myself over my absense of training and self control.
High
.....actually resisting chocolate is really my only high..... I wish there was more to report!!
So I'm back, my gym is open, the snack box is closed and I am ALL OVER smashing out what's left of the next 4 weeks!
I hit the gym this morning and week 9 training is HARD!! (Really hard!!) I think this is where the true test for me will lie. I've been travelling along nicely - I have been smashing it out at the gym, LOVING the workouts - but getting a taste of week 9 this morning and writitng out the weeks workouts in my gym journal, I have realised that this last 4 weeks is going to test me, physically and mentally.
I wondered this morning whether I am tough enough to see it out - I shouldn't have, because now I feel a little (well maybe more than a little) fear in my guts that I might not have it in me!!
The key to get through this will have to absolutely be combining Mish's Motto: Consistency Consistency Consistency - JFDI!!! and the little personal mantra I have been focusing on "I Stand Strong in my Personal Power - with true power from within - nothing is out of my reach!!" I read it before the start of the round and I have absolutely drawn upon in time and time again when I feel like giving up. I must remember my Personal Power each time I think "I Can't" and focus on the "I can" or even better the "I bloody will!!"
Here we go!!!!!
Week 1: Lost 1.3kg since the beginning of PreSeason
Week 2: Gain 600g
Week 3: Gain 100g
Week 4: Gain 300g
Week 5: Scales Boycot!!
Week 6: Gain 200g
Week 7: Forgot to weigh in - what?!!
Week 8: A loss!!! A loss!!! My first loss of the round!!! Lost 700g!!
How can I even begin to describe how happy I am today??!!
I am soooooo pleased that I have finally had a loss!!
The mental strain of Lean and Strong has so far been 10x more difficult than the physicall strain of the workouts!! The workouts I FREAKIN LOVE! I am stronger than I have ever been - my personal bests are outdone every single week, I am upping my weights almost weekly, beating times, reps and challenges that Mish has set and ones that I have set for myself, not to mention despite my lack of weight on the scales I have more defintion that I have ever had in my life - "but at what cost?" I was starting to wonder..."I am going to go BONKERS if I do not lose some weight soon" is another thought rolling through my head day in day out.
The knocks that I have been receiving (all dished out by nobody but myself of course) have been countless - over and over and over again.
But through it all I can say that yes I have whinged, yes I have been down, yes I have absolutely let it get to me, yes I have driven my husband mental (there may have been more than a few occasions where I start pulling at the loose skin on my abdomen shaking it in front of him angrily), yes I have moaned and complained about my seemingly NIL success..... but through it all I have stayed strong!! I have not once given up, I have gotten up at 430am and trudged off to the gym after crying late into the night before, I have completed Saturday Super Sessions between Super shifts at work, I have come home from a long day cooked dinner for the family and THEN headed out to the gym so my workout wasn't missed, I have been the last to leave the gym at night and been the first to walk through the doors the next morning.... I have SUCCEEDED so far at seeing this through and this consistency will see me suceed in the end I am sure of it (note to self - come and re-read this post next time you feel like you are a failure at this program!!).
I have not and will not give up on this. This is a promise I made to myself and to Michelle Bridges and I don't even care if she hasn't a clue who I am - I am a woman of my word and God Damn it I will see this through!!
4 and a half weeks to go - 2.5kg to lose until I have reached a goal of being under 60kg!! That's just over 600g a week - BIG numbers for someone my size and not overly realistic. To prevent myself from having a meltdown at week 12 weigh in, I'm going to.....deep breath........let go of the weight loss goal....... eeeeeekkkkk can't believe I've even said it out loud (well in print) - I will focus now on shredding these last stubbon wobbly bits as Mish ups the cardio for the last month and I will instead base my end goal on looking in the mirror and liking what I see....... well I can honestly say this might be a bigger goal than the fight against the scales because my first memories of self loathing and disgust came early, at around the age of 7 - so here's to looking in the mirror for the first time in 23years and being proud of what I see!!
Big Call........ But I got this!!
Week 6's SSS was the Run Rabbit Run and I still haven't conquered it!! I was so keen to smash out this workout - it sounded brutel, it sounded like hard work and a terrific challenge!!
I wanted in!!
So it's not Saturday - Its Monday - but what the Hell - I want this Rabbit off my back!!
So I slept through my alarm at 430am and slept in until 8am (love school Holidays!!) - so I decided to do it at home instead of the gym. I read through the workout - I can totally pull this off at home!!
I scrounged around for some equipment..... The Run Rabbit Run consists of 4 circuits of 3 exercises each completed 4 times through and separated by a 400m run .
Well I have my treadmill for the sprints......
Some old 5kg hand weights for the "Dumbell Squat Presses" and the "Walking Lunges with Over Head Weights".....
A rusty old Bar Bell with some rusty old weights for the "Up right rows"......
Threw two chairs together for some "Tricep Dips"......
This unmowed retaining wall will do instead of a box for the "Box Jumps" .....
And a bucket......just in case.....
So
I'm all set - start the clock......
Holy
Smokes - that was one hell of a workout - numerous times I had the burps, head
hung over - but I didn't need the bucket after all.
It
was hard going - it was hot (Hmmmm the air-conditioned gym at 5am would have
been alot more comfortable than in my yard in the sun at 10am) and there was a
moment when Fat Kate was hunched over the Pool Table gasping for air and
talking me into quitting - But I didn't - I completed it all 100%.
The
recommended speed for the runs was 11km/hr on the treadmill and I was smashing
the last 200m out at 12km/hr (mainly just to make it go faster!!) so I'm pretty
pleased with that.
I
got finished in 1hr and 3 minutes - despite the fact that I forgot to turn off
my heart monitor as I was flat out on my back for over 5 mins convincing myself
that I could get up :)
The
kids came down before I was finished and where cheering me on through the last
circuit and the last sprint - There is nothing in the world like hearing the
sound of your kids voices shouting "You can do it Mummy!!! You are fast!!!
You are strong!!!! - absolute magic!!
So
My day of training is not over yet - I shall go to the gym this afternoon to
complete my Lean and Strong Monday Workout - I'm certainly not going to fall
behind like I did by missing Monday last week.
Wow!! I feel like this last week I have been trapped in a negativity cloud - all I could see was darkness and night insteads of positive light.
It just hit me - 5 weeks to go!!! And I'm further away from my goals than I was when I started - HOW is that possible when I have worked so consistantly, with such determination??? It just didn't make sense to me!!
So I poo poo'ed my whole week really!!
Missed the gym Monday - and Wednesday and spent the rest of the week trying to catch up. Saturday's Super Session was a right off - and I'm carrying around this cloud of "Surely I can do Better!!"
So this week - this is my goal - To do better!!! To have a God Damn loss on the scales (for the first time in 8 weeks) to RAMP up my workouts with more more more - Obviously "just" following the program is NOT working for me - I need to add, extra classes, extra cardio.
I have 5 weeks to strip this body fat that is weighing me down - that is constantly on my mind, that is covering the beautiful muscles I have spent 7 weeks building!!
I have 5 weeks to count calories every day - in and out and record them ALL in my diary.
I have 5 weeks of posting my diary entry every night - just like in preseason.
I have 5 weeks to FOCUS on the positives in my life and share them daily.
I have 5 weeks to add extra cardio, to step further out of my comfort zone - to push myself to new heights.
I have 5 weeks to DO NOTHING that drags me down, sets me back or makes me disapointed in myself (ie - sticking my finger in left over cake icing!!!!)
I have 5 weeks to go to bed with no regrets and no doubts that I could have done more throughout the day to see me achieve my goals.
And the beginning of that 5 weeks - starts TODAY!!
I'm off to do Saturday's Super Session - the Run Rabbit Run that I have somehow managed to avoid for 2 weeks now - I am going to smash it up, record my results - stay tuned for the low down of how awesome I was during this training session!!!
PUMPED!!!
So week 6 is upon me - HALF WAY!! Time for halfway photos!!
Have I made some improvements that the f#*&!!! scales haven't shown - have I made a difference that I can't see in the mirror???.....
Well the simple answer is : YES - but of course it has taken me half the week to realise it!!
So excited I was to take photos on Wednesday, I dragged my husband out of bed early wearing my bikini, holding the camera....my excitement soon turned to disappointment as my negitivity and blurry eyed vision took hold.
I'm downloading from the camera, snipping and cropping photos - lining them up side by side....Where's the difference?? Where's the imrovement?? They're the same!!! I cried out!! They're the bloody same 6 weeks in and I look no different!!!
It was at this stage where my husband tells me he's trying hard not to slap me and he's really disapointed that I am so blind to my (obvious to him) progress. I just couldn't see it! I could definately see a change in one photo (the tummy flab, bending down shot) but the rest.....nil, zilch, zippo!!!
So I took my frustrations out at the gym - where I was looking in the mirror and could see a leaner, fitter, stronger, tighter person looking back at me - why then could I not see it in the photos??? So I took a bloody photo right there - standing in front of the mirror at the gym where I did see progress, where I did see results of blood sweat and tears (lots and lots of tears) - and bloody hell I was going to rejoice in that!!
When I got home I posted my "lack of progress" pics onto the Lean and Strong Page - and asked if anyone else in previous rounds saw so little progress at the half way mark....well I was BOMBARDED with positive feedback words thrown around like : wow, OMG, fantastic results, awesome, obvious, inspiring, massive improvement, holy f@?k..... It felt amazing to hear those comments - it gave me such a lift!!
I can do this - I am freaking doing this!!!
Here are the photos you can judge for yourselves....
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| Week 1 to 6 - Front |
Wowsers!! I cannot believe I'm at Day 1 Week 6!!! This blows my mind!!
But it's also kinda daunting for someone who tends to see the glass as half empty most of the time.
For the last 6 weeks I have been training HARD - really hard, I've been giving it my all at the gym - 100%!! I am so proud of myself for digging deep and really smashing out my Lean and Strong Workouts. The staff at the gym are noticing the changes in my body and always have such great feedback to share with me - it feels GREAT!!
I have been telling myself and others that I've been eating SUPER clean - although if I was really honest I would have to admit that I could do better. I haven't been tracking my Calories (although I always do a mental tally), I have been eating too many snacks - all be it healthy and nutritious, the volume is , if I'm really honest just too much. For example I may have scheduled a 40g Nuts and Seeds snack which blows out into a hand in the container over and over all afternoon. Or a celery and cottage cheese scheduled snack may morph into a Moo cheese on Crackers and I have my protein powder yoghurt mix every night after dinner - regardless if I've already gone over my calories.
Wow - I feel like I've taken an honesty pill.....wait there's more.....
I've been COMPLETELY faithful to the promise I made to myself about the NIL Chocolate or Lollies over the full 12 weeks
But some sneaky sugar laden foods have crept in and I have been writing down a little list.....
Over the last 6 weeks I have indulged in:
- 1 & 1/2 Lamingtons - at a BBQ
- 3 squares of Rice Bubble Slice - at a child's Birthday Party
- 1 too big serve of Low Fat Ice cream - with Caramel topping - WHILE WATCHING The Biggest Loser!!!
- 3 Sweet Biscuits - at my Nana's house
- 4 Hot Cross buns - IN ONE WEEKEND!!!!
- 7 Hot Chips off my husbands plate - after I chose a healthy salad for my meal :(
- 2 slices of Dara lee Caramel thingy- with my husband
- 1 Fruit Scone - from Brumby's while shopping
- 1 slice of Strawberry Custard tart - at a friend's house while socialising
- 1 glass of Bubbly with Hibiscus
Ok - so that's it - it's out there - Over 5 full weeks (35days) I've indulged 9 times!!! Having said that MOST of these treats were on TREAT NIGHT and I haven't had a treat meal once over the 5 weeks.
So I need to re-evaluate what CLEAN EATING is all about - because I certainly won't be lean and strong if I continue to have little indulgences so regularly. My diet is also quite Carb laden thus this I will also re-evaluate for thje next 6 weeks.
To tidy up my diet over the next 6 weeks I will:
- Be Carb Free After 3
- Eat more lunches consisting of Salad and beans/pulses rather than Salad Sandwhiches
- Continue my AWESOME resistance to Chocolate and Lollies
- Say NO to ALL sugar laden foods (not just chocolate and lollies) - including ice-cream, sweet bisciuts, scones etc
- Cut Carbs from my Snacks - no more bowls of cereal, sandwhiches or PB on Toast!!
- Ensure I base my Calorie Intake on my Calories Burned - leaving the deficit no more or less than 500.
I am so super determined to rock this last 6 weeks its ridiculous!! So for that to happen I REALLY need to focus on my MINDSET.
To tidy up my mindset over the next 6 weeks I will:
- Write one thing down in my diary (you know that food diary that I WILL write in every day) that makes me proud to be me. Have I smashed a workout (please! when do I not!!), Have I had a great Mummy Moment, did I say no to something that would have sabotaged my goals, did I catch a glimse of my reflection and like what I saw?? - These I will share on my blog so I am accountable!!
- Slap myself when I catch myself treading all over my good work!! Negativity breeds negativity and I let it build up so much that I suffocate myself in it!! When I catch myself being negative I'll nip it in the bud so it doesn't turn into a week of self degredation.
- Acknowledge my achievements and accept compliments!!
I look forward to sharing my Half way mark photos on Wednesday and all of my positive thoughts!!!
