Epic Temptation Challenge

I feel like a Biggest Loser Contestant in a major temptation challenge. 

This last week saw me attend the Veterinary Nursing Council of Australia's annual conference at the Mariott Resort - Surface Paradise (Oh my goodness - I just re-read that sentence and I had typed "Sugars Paradise" - wow!! Sugar on the brain or what??)

What I was expecting was 3 days of informative, educational classes, exhibitors displays to peruse and some social entertainment amongst my peers - what I got was a 3 day Temptation challenge.  I knew there was food was provided - On the registration form asking if I had any special dietary requirements I wrote down "Vegetarian, Calorie Controlled" - yeah yeah, ha ha, as if!!!

My days went a little something like this:
Morning Tutorial
Morning Tea - Muffins the size of my head, Pasteries and Flans, Scones with Jam and Cream
Mid Morning Tutorial Session

Lunch - Variety of Cold salads and Hot Meats - WHITE rolls
Dessert - plate after plate after plate of cakes, flans, slices, tarts
Mid Afternoon Tutorials
Afternoon Tea: Cupcakes and Icecream
Afternoon Tutorial Session.

Not to mention each exhibitor had another food related gimick to get you to their stall some of which included - Fairy Floss, chocolates, an icecream bar, lollies....

I had NO idea on Day one that I would be blind sided by so much freakin temptation!! It really was extreme and utterly rediculous, not to mention unnecessary!! I was slighty outraged.

I had a good friend with me who is also calorie counting and has goals of her own to be her best self and I am so so grateful that we had each other to hold onto during the sugar laden snow storm!!

I am SO proud to say that I got through all 3 days without falling prey to temptation.  I put up my "No" shieled and it never faulted!! I also thought that 3 full days at conference including travelling back and forth from the Gold coast would interfere with my Training schedule - but it did not!! I managed to get up super early or get to the gym super late to ensure I didn't miss a work out. 

Go Me!!

Here's a little photo montage of some of the treats I resisted in my mammth 3 day temptation challenge...I mean whilst I was on Conference.....

Face your Fears Week 9

Every week of 12WBT there is a new Suprise weekly task - This week is all about facing your fears!! Here is the note from Mish.....

Face Your Fears!

Time to show me what you're made of!! The 12WBT is not just about nutrition and training it's also about re-training your mind and facing up to your fears! 

Those fears might be walking to your letterbox or jumping out of a plane!

What's the most inventive, exciting, thrilling, challenging activity you have done since you have joined 12WBT? It could be wearing a bright red frock to a party or climbing a mountain. It has to be something that has really push you out of your comfort zone and made you think twice about what you were about to embark on. 

Everyones fears are different - when I do this with my Biggest Loser contestants it really shows us what they are made of.

------

So yesterday I pushed myself right smack bang in the middle of that zone that is far, far from that zone named "comfort" and rocked up for my first tattoo!!

Did it make me think twice about what I was about to embark on??? Ummmm YES!!! It made me think 20x or more!!

I have been dreaming of this ideal tattoo, visualising it, focusing on it, planning the day when I would get it.  I listed it as one of the rewards I would give myself after this round of Lean and Strong - when I had a midsection to be proud of!! Because the tattoo of my dreams is one which wraps around my side. 

So the plan was to wait until I was ripped, had the 6 pack of my dreams and could lie comfortably in front of a tattooist half naked without being self- conscious of my body.  So when people asked to see my ink I could rip up my top proudly and show them my new body art and my new smokin hot abs and be proud to show them both off.......

So do I have a six pack?? No.

Will I feel 100% comfortable showing people my tattoo?? No.

Do I have a midsection that I am proud of? well........ yes, I guess I kinda do. 

It is far from the six pack I desire (focus on, dream about, trudge off to the gym 6 days a week to achieve), it is not even flat!! But it has shrunk a HEAP since I embarked on 12WBT and even more during this round of Lean and Strong. So I am not 100% proud of my shrinking Mummy Tummy - but I certainly am proud of how much I have achieved so far and evey bit of hard work it has taken mne to get here!!

And this week is all about facing my fears right??

I was terrified of lying half naked in front of a man I didn't know - no one sees my tummy!! NOBODY!!! I'm still getting about in my suction undies and leotards under my clothes, I am not confident to let them go just yet.  This is what I was so afraid of - being seen!!! Oh and the pain factor of course..... oh yes, the pain factor! I woke up yesterday morning and totally pushed the pain factor out of my head - I kept busy, I thought positive thoughts - I knew I could use my positivity to shove any thoughts of fear and pain down, I just wanted to focus on the positive "By tonight I will have my tattoo and it will be over"  Just like embarking on childbirth, "After this I will have my baby and all the pain will be insignificant" - then I remembered that the pain of childbirth is SO not insignificant!! but I pushed away the fear, down ....way down.....so far down that I gave myself quite the tummy ache - nervous toilet stops all afternoon!!(Too much information???)

I was so nervous I felt sick.

I was so so so grateful that my heavily tattooed husband was there to support me, to be by my side.  He's never in 10 years wanted me to have a tattoo, so his support and encouragement through the whole thing was priceless.  Although he was grinning, camera poised to take a photo of my face when the needles made that first contact with my skin....

I am so proud of myself!! I was so scared and I did it!! I was so freakin brave, I didn't flinch or complain during the 3 hours that it took to complete.  I was most afraid that I'd get half way through and decide I couldn't finish it.  I can honestly say it did not hurt as much as I thought it would and I really think my positivity and confidence in my mindset helped attribute to that.



There's that first moment - gripping the head rest much???



Little more used to it now

Another tattooist REALLY helped me through the last half hour when it was starting to get really tough chatting to me about random things. She did make many comments that I was insane for getting my first ever tattoo down my side, but pain is pain right?? I knew where I wanted it and I wasn't being talked out of it by anyone - I knew I could do it!

So the script you see is a quote from the inspirational Deepak Chopra - I stumbled upon it whilst searching for positivity and inspirations of strength before embarking on Lean and Strong.  I was wanting to put my energy into preparing both physically and mentally for the next stage.  He says

"I stand strong in my personal power - With true power that comes from within, nothing is beyond my reach"

I have focused on this, I have chanted this to myself over and over again since embracing it last December.  I made the first half the title of this blog and the second half is now inscripted on my body forever and ever, so I can always remember, no matter how low I get that I do possess a truck load of personal power and I truely believe that any thought, dream or desire that I have CAN become my reality. 

The butterflies, although very pretty, are to symbolise my transfortion and growth from a self doubting, self loathing negative, half empty person, to one full of self belief and the ability to turn any negative situation into one with a positive light!



Easter Success

Well Easter 2012 has been and gone - THANK GOD!!!

For me it was a series of highs and lows and I'm trying not to get caught up in the lows - but I'll start with them:

Low

My training MOST definately suffered over the 4 day weekend - The gym was closed for 2 days and had limitted opening hours for the other 2....neither fitting in with my work/sleep/travel schedule.

I absolutely could not have trained - even though I wanted too.  Even to me this sounds like excuses, excuses, excuses, The long weekend started and I was already 2 days and 1 night into a 7 day working week- looking down the line at 4 Easter Public Holiday Night shifts.  To top it off my little family were up at Bribie- so on very (very very very) little sleep I was travelling back and forth.  I calculated on Sunday that over the previous 4 days I'd had 12.5hours sleep...TOTAL!! So averaging 3hrs sleep a night, 10hour shifts and dangerously travelling to Bribie at 2am and back at 2pm - I was the walking DEAD!!  Training was on my mind- but certainly not on my agenda - shattered!!

High

I made it through Easter keeping true to my word that Choclate has absolutely no place in my diet.  I am so proud of myself!! Sooooooo much temptation - I feel like a Biggest Loser Contestant playing temptaion!! They have a 24hour Tempation challenge this week - my chocolate tempation seems never ending!! The kids have SO much chocolate in the house!! They are not big chocolate eaters and are getting through it SO slowly! I packed some up and sent it out of the house today (Thanks to my Chocolate Loving Bestie for taking some for the team!!).  I will stay strong and I have no doubt that I'll live through this sipping my Jarrah Hot Chocolate to get my choccie fix for 46cal!!

Low

My nutrition was NOT squeeky clean over the Easter 4 days! Friday was great - squeeky clean - I survived lunch at my mums with cheesecake, potato bake, garlic bread, chocolate. Saturday was good - mostly clean (too many pretzels!!), Sunday was a disaster -breaky was good - but thats where it ended - poor choices for snacks (3 scotch finger biscuits a handful of cheezels and too many wafer biscuits) saw me skip lunch - by 9pm I was at work with no food and no clue!! I was deleriously tired and extremely hungry and.......ordered pizza!! I ate 3...no make that 4 pieces of vegetarian pizza from pizza hut.....I didnt do the ordering so I ended up with pan base!! Noooooo!!!! I tidied up by Monday but I was still disappointed in myself over my absense of training and self control. 

High

.....actually resisting chocolate is really my only high..... I wish there was more to report!!


So I'm back, my gym is open, the snack box is closed and I am ALL OVER smashing out what's left of the next 4 weeks!

I hit the gym this morning and week 9 training is HARD!! (Really hard!!) I think this is where the true test for me will lie.  I've been travelling along nicely - I have been smashing it out at the gym, LOVING the workouts - but getting a taste of week 9 this morning and writitng out the weeks workouts in my gym journal, I have realised that this last 4 weeks is going to test me, physically and mentally. 

I wondered this morning whether I am tough enough to see it out - I shouldn't have, because now I feel a little (well maybe more than a little) fear in my guts that I might not have it in me!!

The key to get through this will have to absolutely be combining Mish's Motto: Consistency Consistency Consistency - JFDI!!! and the little personal mantra I have been focusing on "I Stand Strong in my Personal Power - with true power from within - nothing is out of my reach!!"  I read it before the start of the round and I have absolutely drawn upon in time and time again when I feel like giving up.  I must remember my Personal Power each time I think "I Can't" and focus on the "I can" or even better the "I bloody will!!"

Here we go!!!!!

I'm a Loser!!

Week 1: Lost 1.3kg since the beginning of PreSeason
Week 2: Gain 600g
Week 3: Gain 100g
Week 4: Gain 300g
Week 5: Scales Boycot!! 
Week 6: Gain 200g
Week 7: Forgot to weigh in - what?!!
Week 8: A loss!!! A loss!!! My first loss of the round!!! Lost 700g!!

How can I even begin to describe how happy I am today??!!

I am soooooo pleased that I have finally had a loss!!

The mental strain of Lean and Strong has so far been 10x more difficult than the physicall strain of the workouts!! The workouts I FREAKIN LOVE! I am stronger than I have ever been - my personal bests are outdone every single week, I am upping my weights almost weekly, beating times, reps and challenges that Mish has set and ones that I have set for myself, not to mention despite my lack of weight on the scales I have more defintion that I have ever had in my life - "but at what cost?" I was starting to wonder..."I am going to go BONKERS if I do not lose some weight soon" is another thought rolling through my head day in day out.

The knocks that I have been receiving (all dished out by nobody but myself of course) have been countless - over and over and over again.

But through it all I can say that yes I have whinged, yes I have been down, yes I have absolutely let it get to me, yes I have driven my husband mental (there may have been more than a few occasions where I start pulling at the loose skin on my abdomen shaking it in front of him angrily), yes I have moaned and complained about my seemingly NIL success..... but through it all I have stayed strong!! I have not once given up, I have gotten up at 430am and trudged off to the gym after crying late into the night before, I have completed Saturday Super Sessions between Super shifts at work, I have come home from a long day cooked dinner for the family and THEN headed out to the gym so my workout wasn't missed, I have been the last to leave the gym at night and been the first to walk through the doors the next morning.... I have SUCCEEDED so far at seeing this through and this consistency will see me suceed in the end I am sure of it (note to self - come and re-read this post next time you feel like you are a failure at this program!!).

I have not and will not give up on this.  This is a promise I made to myself and to Michelle Bridges and I don't even care if she hasn't a clue who I am - I am a woman of my word and God Damn it I will see this through!!

4 and a half weeks to go - 2.5kg to lose until I have reached a goal of being under 60kg!! That's just over 600g a week - BIG numbers for someone my size and not overly realistic.  To prevent myself from having a meltdown at week 12 weigh in, I'm going to.....deep breath........let go of the weight loss goal....... eeeeeekkkkk can't believe I've even said it out loud (well in print) - I will focus now on shredding these last stubbon wobbly bits as Mish ups the cardio for the last month and I will instead base my end goal on looking in the mirror and liking what I see....... well I can honestly say this might be a bigger goal than the fight against the scales because my first memories of self loathing and disgust came early, at around the age of 7 - so here's to looking in the mirror for the first time in 23years and being proud of what I see!!

Big Call........ But I got this!!

Run Rabbit Run

Week 6's SSS was the Run Rabbit Run and I still haven't conquered it!! I was so keen to smash out this workout - it sounded brutel, it sounded like hard work and a terrific challenge!!

I wanted in!!

So it's not Saturday - Its Monday - but what the Hell - I want this Rabbit off my back!!

So I slept through my alarm at 430am and slept in until 8am (love school Holidays!!) - so I decided to do it at home instead of the gym. I read through the workout - I can totally pull this off at home!!

I scrounged around for some equipment..... The Run Rabbit Run consists of 4 circuits of 3 exercises each completed 4 times through and separated by a 400m run . 

Well I have my treadmill for the sprints......

Some old 5kg hand weights for the "Dumbell Squat Presses" and the "Walking Lunges with Over Head Weights".....

A rusty old Bar Bell with some rusty old weights for the "Up right rows"......

Threw two chairs together for some "Tricep Dips"......

This unmowed retaining wall will do instead of a box for the "Box Jumps" .....

And a bucket......just in case.....

So I'm all set - start the clock......

Holy Smokes - that was one hell of a workout - numerous times I had the burps, head hung over - but I didn't need the bucket after all.

It was hard going - it was hot (Hmmmm the air-conditioned gym at 5am would have been alot more comfortable than in my yard in the sun at 10am) and there was a moment when Fat Kate was hunched over the Pool Table gasping for air and talking me into quitting - But I didn't - I completed it all 100%.

The recommended speed for the runs was 11km/hr on the treadmill and I was smashing the last 200m out at 12km/hr (mainly just to make it go faster!!) so I'm pretty pleased with that.

I got finished in 1hr and 3 minutes - despite the fact that I forgot to turn off my heart monitor as I was flat out on my back for over 5 mins convincing myself that I could get up :)

The kids came down before I was finished and where cheering me on through the last circuit and the last sprint - There is nothing in the world like hearing the sound of your kids voices shouting "You can do it Mummy!!! You are fast!!! You are strong!!!! - absolute magic!!

So My day of training is not over yet - I shall go to the gym this afternoon to complete my Lean and Strong Monday Workout - I'm certainly not going to fall behind like I did by missing Monday last week.

Negativity Cloud

Wow!! I feel like this last week I have been trapped in a negativity cloud - all I could see was darkness and night insteads of positive light.

It just hit me - 5 weeks to go!!! And I'm further away from my goals than I was when I started - HOW is that possible when I have worked so consistantly, with such determination??? It just didn't make sense to me!!

So I poo poo'ed my whole week really!!

Missed the gym Monday - and Wednesday and spent the rest of the week trying to catch up.  Saturday's Super Session was a right off - and I'm carrying around this cloud of "Surely I can do Better!!"

So this week - this is my goal - To do better!!! To have a God Damn loss on the scales (for the first time in 8 weeks) to RAMP up my workouts with more more more - Obviously "just" following the program is NOT working for me - I need to add, extra classes, extra cardio.

I have 5 weeks to strip this body fat that is weighing me down - that is constantly on my mind, that is covering the beautiful muscles I have spent 7 weeks building!!

I have 5 weeks to count calories every day - in and out and record them ALL in my diary.

I have 5 weeks of posting my diary entry every night - just like in preseason.

I have 5 weeks to FOCUS on the positives in my life and share them daily.

I have 5 weeks to add extra cardio, to step further out of my comfort zone - to push myself to new heights.

I have 5 weeks to DO NOTHING that drags me down, sets me back or makes me disapointed in myself (ie - sticking my finger in left over cake icing!!!!)

I have 5 weeks to go to bed with no regrets and no doubts that I could have done more throughout the day to see me achieve my goals.

And the beginning of that 5 weeks - starts TODAY!!

I'm off to do Saturday's Super Session - the Run Rabbit Run that I have somehow managed to avoid for 2 weeks now - I am going to smash it up, record my results - stay tuned for the low down of how awesome I was during this training session!!!

PUMPED!!!

Results yet? Absolutely!!

So week 6 is upon me - HALF WAY!! Time for halfway photos!!
Have I made some improvements that the f#*&!!! scales haven't shown - have I made a difference that I can't see in the mirror???.....

Well the simple answer is : YES - but of course it has taken me half the week to realise it!!

So excited I was to take photos on Wednesday, I dragged my husband out of bed early wearing my bikini, holding the camera....my excitement soon turned to disappointment as my negitivity and blurry eyed vision took hold.

I'm downloading from the camera, snipping and cropping photos - lining them up side by side....Where's the difference?? Where's the imrovement?? They're the same!!! I cried out!! They're the bloody same 6 weeks in and I look no different!!!

It was at this stage where my husband tells me he's trying hard not to slap me and he's really disapointed that I am so blind to my (obvious to him) progress.  I just couldn't see it! I could definately see a change in one photo (the tummy flab, bending down shot) but the rest.....nil, zilch, zippo!!!

So I took my frustrations out at the gym - where I was looking in the mirror and could see a leaner, fitter, stronger, tighter person looking back at me - why then could I not see it in the photos??? So I took a bloody photo right there - standing in front of the mirror at the gym where I did see progress, where I did see results of blood sweat and tears (lots and lots of tears) - and bloody hell I was going to rejoice in that!!

When I got home I posted my "lack of progress" pics onto the Lean and Strong Page - and asked if anyone else in previous rounds saw so little progress at the half way mark....well I was BOMBARDED with positive feedback words thrown around like : wow, OMG, fantastic results, awesome, obvious, inspiring, massive improvement, holy f@?k..... It felt amazing to hear those comments - it gave me such a lift!!

I can do this - I am freaking doing this!!!

Here are the photos you can judge for yourselves....

Week 1 to 6 - Front

Week 1 to 6 - Back

Week 1 to 6 - Side

Week 1 to 6 - Bend (tummy flab)

I have a little tiny problem- where I consistently want results yesterday!! But I concede, I do see imrovements and I will continue to focus on the postive and not the negative - time to start being a "Glass Half Full" kinda girl!!

 

 

I really really really have been celebrating the postives in small ways every day - here's what I took away from this week:

 

Monday: I went out of the house without compression underwear!!! I was nervous (and to tell you the truth, fidgeting and uncomfortable -BUT i did it and it felt good to work on changing my mindset towards learning to live life without my protective barrier!!

Tuesday: For the first time EVER I went to the gym in just my tights!! No shorts over the top - just tights!! The shape of my bum and thighs were there for all to see!! This felt like a MASSIVE success!! I MASSIVE milestone - 6 weeks ago I was wearing, conforming underwear, bike shorts, 2 singlets and shorts.....how far I have come being comfortable being seen in such a short time HAS to be classed as a win!!!

Wednesday: Half way mark photos - I had a 200g increase on the scales that I forgot to even care about!! There is a dramatic reduction in my tummy flab and my photos (although not dramatic) show change and improvements towards a tighter more tonned and terrifric body!!

Thursday: I allowed a fellow school mum practice her spray tanning skills on my legs......exposed....NOT in tights but BARE SKIN!! showing her my thighs, my bum - I was FREAKED OUT, uncomfortable plus - BUT I did it - I would have NEVER exposed myself like that in the past - baby steps!! :)

Saturday:I did not train the SSS due to sickness and fatigue - I took the 3hours of awake time between my shifts at work to rest and recooperate, rather than spending 2 of them flogging myself silly at the gym - which would have left me absolutely rooted and exhausted!! I did not beat myself up mentally, I did not feel guilty or worry that I'd missed a session - I was proud of myself for taking care of myself and putting my body before my crazy mind!!

 

Can't wait to share more positive improvements that I am making in my life!!!