Mental Roadworks!!

Telling myself that my boost in Body Fat % is "no biggy" is one thing.....believing it is quite another!!

I was not dwelling on it so to speak but the thought kept swirling around my head - I so desperately wanted last Wednesday's measure up to lift me up, to reassure me that progress IS being made here and I was robbed of that!! Robot Girl let me down by giving me a bogus initial reading and therefore a bogus 4 week followup result!! (even though she has since sincerley apologised for the mistake). 

I have accepted the fact that my BF% is higher because Mr Second Opinion did it the correct way- that's fine - I'd rather know the truth than be delutional that I have less BF than I actually do (way way way lessn than I actually do as it turns out). But I still felt flat and disappointed. 

I was speaking to a dear friend and fellow 12WBT-ioner yesterday about the whole cock up when she smacked me in the face with a positive spin that I never ever once saw!



Robot Girl took my callipar measurements (inaccurately as it may) in week 1 -
Robot Girl took my callipar measurements again in week 4 - same body areas, same technique, same style.....THE SAME AREAS..... get it??!!

I didn't at first!!

If the same person used the same body areas using the same technique as she did 4 weeks ago and saw a dramatic improvement (a total measurement reduction from 103mm to 72mm) then regardless of whether the body areas were wrong thus giving an incorect OVERALL BF% - the reductions she measured aren't a lie - they are real - 31mm of fat is gone from my body!!



Thanks Sooooooooooo much Tara!! I was concentrating so hard on the negative I couldn't and wouldn't see the positive!! I have improved!! I have lost fat!! 31mm of it to be precise!! It may not be from the same places that officially create my BF% total - but it is fat that was measured on Wednesday to be less than there was 4 weeks ago!! That my friends is a win!! That is exactly what I was craving, what I needed, what I have been working for!!




What a mental Road block!! What a complete and absolute blockage I have created in my head that good information just can't squeeze through the entire construction site of negativity in my head!!

I felt so so so much better after having spoke to you Tara, you just wouldn't believe it!! You are ALWAYS so supportive, so realistic, so straight up and so bloody right all the time!! You have helped me through more mental road blocks than you know!! You are EVERYthing I need in a support person and I am so so fortunate that I have you travelling beside me through this journey!!

Love ya guts!! xx

Mr Second Opinion

I welcomed week 4 with absolute open arms, I was SO excited to measure up!! The scales had let me down 3 weeks in a row and I was busting to wrap the measuring tape around me and witness some great results!! I was counting on it, I needed it!!

The scales were once again not being very friendly with another 300g gain!! Ok, deep breath, I can handle this - lets get the tape!! All over (arms, thighs, chest, waist and hips) I totalled a 17.5cm loss on the tape!! Take that scales!!!

Then off to the gym to see Robot Girl from week 1 to have my body fat % re-measured via the calliper test.  Remembering that 4 weeks ago she had me at 25.7% BF.  I was hoping for at least a 2% loss - this would keep me on track and see me reaching the correct milestone for the timeframe (goal - 19%) .....

Well we did the test....."What a great Result!" She said......remember how in 12 weeks I wanted to reach 19%? Well I came in at 18.5%!!

Yahhoo......right!!??? WRONG!! There is no way NO WAY that I could have achieved that result in 4 weeks!! - So we re calculated and got the same numbers.  Well I'll be taking a second opinion thanks, because if this body I'm wobbling around in is only 18.5% BF then there is something seriously wrong!!

The wait for the second opinion was over 24hours long and brutel.  Making me more nervous was the second opinion was a male!! Allowing another girl to pinch my fat rolls and measure up my flabby bits was one thing (though enough) but standing infront of a man to do it - well that was a WHOLE other story!! Yuck yuck yuck....my mouth was running a mile a minute blabbering away nervously like I was on a first date - a first date that involved callipers?? I don't think so!! 

Mr Second opinion grabbed all the bits that bother me the most (right over my belly button and right over the old Love handle - two places I asked Robot Girl to measure but was shut down with a "we don't do there!!", his style was COMPLETELY different and apparently WAY more accurate.

The result punched me right in the chest!! I gasped and took a seat with my head in my hands.....my BF% is 27.2!!! Horribly Horribly disapointed!! My goal to lose 6.7% in 12 weeks has now changed to 8.2% in 8 weeks!! I have to reassess and really look at that number realistically knowing that it's most likely improbable that I could achieve that number in that time. 

Devestated!!  

So - am I going to quit? Throw in the towel? Stop in at the servo for a block of chocolate on the way home from the gym???...



I certainly will not!! I will continue to try my guts out and strive to be the absolute best version of myself regardless of that stupid number.  I keep getting told to ignore the scales and concentrate on the measuring tape and how I feel....so  that's the plan Stan - no number on a scale or even one with a % after it insead of a kg is going to stop me from giving this program all I've got.

Blogger Challenge Week 3 - Rewards

So, The question this week is: How will you acknowledge and reward yourself during Round 1, 2012 of the 12WBT? What are the small wins? What are your big accomplishments? How will you achieve these and how will you reward your efforts? (food doesn't count!)

Geez I have SO many planned rewards its ridiculous.  I have a list!! I've even had to take on extra shifts at work to be able to pay for all the rewards I'll be giving myself!!!

The list is as follows:

• Attending the Round 1 201212WBT Finale Group Workout and Finale Party in Melboure (May 19th 2012)!! I wanted to go last round but it was Christmas time, I hadn't reached my goals and didn't believe I deserved to go!! This time I will have reached my goals (no doubt!!) and I AM going - I've already booked flights!!
• Along with the trip MANY more rewards are necessary including:

       * A new workout outfit - possibly even a name brand one!! (dare I say it!)
       * A JFDI cap/visor to complete my outfit on the field!!
       * A new dress - of course!! It will be fitted and smokin hot!!
       * A spray tan (all my friends will laugh at how ironic this is seeing as
         thoough i always take the stance of "I refuse to tan!!"

• A tattoo!! - I do not have any tattoos - my husband has always objected and I have never found myself so attatched to anything that I wanted it stuck to my lily white skin for eternity - but I absolutely am attatched to my personal power and I live and breath it everyday - it's what get's me through my workouts, passed the sweets plate and past the emotional bullshit my nasty mind tries to put me through on a daily basis.  My personal power lives with me daily and a dedication to the strength (both physically and mentally) will be displayed down my side from my ribs to my hip as a constant reminder so I never forget how far I have come.

Aside from the material things - Being the BEST VERSION of my self is absolutely going to be the best reward of all!! Looking in the mirror at the end of 12 weeks with my head held high and looking into the eyes of a proud and successful, sexy and strong lady - will really really be the most important reward imaginable.

What!!?? Another Breakdown??

Its was coming.....coming.....coming....It happened - The flood gates opened up last night!! With the old "I'm a complete failure", "I'll never succeed at this", "I'm not coping with this",  "I can't handle not seeing any results!! - Its been 3 full weeks!!!"....Ok that's where he got me!!  He slapped me around with a bit of "This program is 12 weeks long - you've just completed week 3 - that's ONE QUARTER of the way!! How do you expect your body to completely turn around in 3 weeks!!" 

Thanks Darl - I needed that perspective that I just couldn't internalise for myself!! Of course, I am ONLY 3 weeks in not I'VE DONE 3 WEEKS!! BIG Difference.

I also got 2 inbox messages from 2 lovely ladies from the L&S page, checking in with me as they were concerned about my posts lately and wanted to make sure I was ok, mindset wise!!

ALARM BELLS ARE RINGING when complete strangers can recognise signs in my behaviour that I cannot see myself. 

To me constricting my carbs and water intake on the day before weigh day is NORMAL - these tricks I have been playing for years and years and years..... so posting the question "do you think restricting water is having the opposite effect to what I desire on the scales" to the Pirates was just a simple, curious question for me to ask - or so I thought!! Wow did the comments come in thick and fast!! CRAZY they think I'm CRAZY!!  

I am so messed up in the head from YEARS of self destructive habits and thought patterns that I don't even know when I'm acting like a crazy person anymore!! What is completely normal in my head is irrational and disturbed in the minds of all the normal people out there!!

I am glad this happened though - I am glad that I can stop and step outside my brain and see where I was heading with that - down that same old self destructive path.  It was a nice reality check to hear from those 2 women who felt concerned enough to reach out.  I forget sometimes that I have chosen the path of GOOD HEALTH and FITNESS - not self destructive patterns of behaviour that only lead to short term, fleeting, pretend success.  I chose to leave all that behind - I didn't even realise that I was allowing some of that old shit to crawl back in.

So in the spirit of healthy mind healthy body, today I am celebrating my wins!! Most of these wins have come to my attention by my, always there for me Husband last night during my breakdown.....

** I have completed my 12WBT L&S Program for 3 full weeks TO THE LETTER, no short cuts, no giving up

** I have completed 3 weeks with clean eating, solid nutition and without giving into tempation to eat sugar laden foods. (yay me!!)

** I can already see tone and definition in my upper body - in ONLY 3 weeks

** I have consistently increased my weights and/or reps in EVERY area of the program - I am SMASHING my workouts at the gym!! (and feel great about it!!)

** I got told by a mother at school that she believed I was a terrific mother and at 10 years my senior, she admired me for my parenting and for the wonderful example I set to my children and to many in the way I live my life with determination and perseverence. (tear)

** I have been told by so many people lately how I am inspiring them to go forth in their weight loss journeys and how they look to my progress and shift in mindset as an inspiration and a motivation for them to strive for success at their own goals!!

** I took the GA bib at netball today!! A game that I haven't played for 18years (and quite frankly it shows).  I took that bib and scored 3 goals for my team!! More importantly I TRIED for 6!! I took the ball, focused on the net and gave it a god damn crack instead of simply passing it to the shooter!! (I did have a jump up and down squeeling clapping moment after each goal!!)

** I recognised my slip in mindset - I have rectified it.  I could have chosen the dark path into self destruction, but I rose above my fears and doubts and can hold my head high!!

 Mindset for the win!!

Blogger Challenge Week 2

Week Two: Positivity


This weeks challenge is to look at what are you actually TAKING up? What are you giving yourself? Are you learning something new? Taking up a new sport? Giving yourself a social life?

Holy Moly - What a great question!! Time to reflect on THE POSITIVE.

I have always (always always) been a negative nelly - just ask my husband!! I always saw the downside to everything - I always found ways to drown myself in my own negativity. Living in the depths of sufficating eating disorders all of my life lead to an absolute absence of self belief. I would keep journals of how much I hated myself and telling myself daily how worthless I was. You can't succeed on a 5 day fast if you love and cherish yourself!! You can't make it through huge binge and perge session, head hanging over the toilet bowl or pushing food down the plug hole in the shower and be beaming with self respect and pride!!

Some pages of my old diaries.

When I joined 12WBT last year it was for the same reason that I started any "diet" I wanted to LOSE. I wanted to LOSE weight I wanted to LOSE fat, I wanted to LOSE my mummy tummy and LOSE the size 14 clothes in my cupboard.

I NEVER imagined just how much I would GAIN - I GAINED self respect, I GAINED self pride, self belief, self adormation. I GAINED a new love and appreciation for myself, for exercise, for food, for LIFE!!!

Absolutely shocked the hell out of me!! I gained SO much more than I lost!!

This round is different again. My mindet has had a HUGE shift so far. This will be my biggest GAIN this round. I believe in myself. Simple but OH SO empowering.

Doing Lean and Strong is so enriching and empowering. I don't remember feeling so empowered as this since giving birth, naturally, to my daughter two and a half years ago. That pride that amazement at just what my body can do!! That's what I feel now - it amazes me what I am achieving so far in L&S and it is not unlike that feeling of giving birth for that second time. The first time I was frightened (read - terrified), out of control and wished for death - I still got through it drug free like I had planned but I was begging for drugs, begging for it all to end. The second time I was calm, relaxed, strong, determined and afterwards felt like a superhero - I went into to it telling myself that I would absolutely take the drugs if I needed it - but I didn't - It was ALL ME, body, soul and mind synced and purposeful.

That's what I feel like in this program!!

I am achieving things that I never dreamt possible - like going into labour, I was scared - but I took control. Going into L&S i was terrified of failure, of not being able to do it - but I can and I am!!

Sure I haven't seen too much in the way of results yet (except an increase on the scales 3 weeks in a row) BUT I'm not giving up!! ANOTHER WIN!! The old me would have packed in the towel by now, grabbed a block of chocolate and given the L&S the finger!! (and probably felt so ashamed and worthless that I would have headed off to the toilet bowl).....

I am a new me! That's what I've given myself and my family!! There is still work to do - I am not a mindset powerhouse - I have doubts, I have fears - But I'm overcoming them day by day - it only gets better from here!!!

It really, truely is more about being fit and healthy for me now than being rail thin and bony!! I want muscles not bones, I want abs not ribs, I want tonned legs not sticks. 

I Never thought I'd shake the "thin thin thin at anycost" mentality - thanks to Michelle Bridges and this program - I can now safely say that is in my past - a fit, healthy happy, mind and body is in progress, but definately my future!!


Xx

Mindset for the win!!

Mindset mindset mindset - SO important - SO underrated.  This week my mindset has been stepped up and is controlling me in new ways that I never imagined!!

It all started on Saturday - The SSS (Super Saturday Session- come on keep up!) was a KILLER - I had NEVER had a workout like that before - and I've had some workouts over the last round and beyond!!

Michelle really let us have it - First SSS of Round 1 2012 - HOLY HELL!! It went a little something like this.....

   

warm up

 Rowing Machine

    

workout

circuit

DO 3 ROUNDS OF THE FOLLOWING CIRCUIT (60 seconds on each):

Chest Press Machine

      

Box Jumps

Leg Press

        

Tricep Pushups on Toes

        

Squat Jumps

Seated Cable Rows

                

Sumo Squats - Lower Half

                    
circuit

DO 3 ROUNDS OF THE FOLLOWING CIRCUIT (60 seconds on each):

Step Ups

          

Burpees

Machine Shoulder Press

              

Mountain Climbers

Lunges - Plyometric Lunges

Bicep Curls with Barbell

        

Jumps - Over the Fence

Tricep Dips with Both Legs Elevated

                           

X Trainer

                 

Oh did you read that I had to do all that 3 TIMES EACH!!!!

After the 1st round I was spent - ready to go home - lying on the floor after those tricep dips, actually talking myself into leaving the gym and going home!! 

I slapped myself upside the head - I didn't sign up to do 1/3 of the work, I didn't sign up for 33.333%, I didn't commit to Michelle Bridges herself in a forum post that I was going to try to give it my whole 33% - I signed up, I committed to 100% - so I got myself up and did it again - and again!!

I could have spewed I practically crawled out of the gym and into my car!!

Week 1 SSS

BUT

It didn't beat me! I didn't let it!! I was absolutely giddy with self pride - I felt amazing (smashed and broken, but amazing!!).

Finishing that workout that I NEVER even dreamt I could do - awakened something in me - I all of a sudden knew that my hopes and dreams and goals WILL become a reality.  All of week one I was over thinking, overannalizing, doubting myself, discouraging myself - and after one 2.5hour workout I smashed all that negativity to the curb and now I just simply believe.  I AM really going to smash this.

I feel how an eliminated Biggest Loser Contestant must feel - everyday waking up thinking about finale - "I'll show them at finale, This workout is for finale, No, thanks I won't eat that, I'm training for finale" like the contestants who have to prove it to Australia that they could do it - I have to prove it to the one person who absolutely matters- ME!! 

I just CANNOT wait to meet myself in the mirror in 12 weeks and LOVE the person that I see!! Love her body, Love her mind!! I can't wait to be at finale!! I cannot wait to live the rest of my life with pride instead of shame!!

On the back of my mindset win I have charged through all of my workout this week.  I have been receiving some super advice (as usual) from the L&S Pirates

Whilst trying to brag that I did Monday's workout twice - I got slammed with feedback - in a nutshell - UP YOUR WEIGHTS if you are finding that you can complete it twice- you should be crawling out of the gym every workout, not feeling the need to do it all over again, TAKE IT EASY BETWEEN WORKOUTS - don't over do it, take the time to allow your body to rest, FOCUS ON THE PROGRAM and the results will come. 

The before and after shots of these 12WBT'ers are simply mind blowing - I was convinced they must have all been adding extra to the program to recieve such A-M-A-Z-I-N-G results in just 12 weeks - but again I was allowing my negative (this'll never happen for you) mindset creep it - FOCUS ON THE PROGRAM and the results will absolutely come!  

The pirates are such an inspiration and a HUGE support network - it's wonderful how surrounding yourself with like minded people REALLY helps contol your mindset!

On that note I thought a picture (stolen from a new friend's blog http://jayne12wbt.blogspot.com.au/) really sums up how I am feeling and what I have allowed myself to learn this week:

Thanks Jayne :)

    

Blogger Challenge week 1

In the spirit of giving it my all and immersing myself for the next 12 weeks in all things 12WBT - I am participating in a blogging challenge. This is my first ever attempt at blogging (and I'm a little addicted!!) Each week whirlsie (a senior, returning member to 12WBT) will post questions and I shall answer right here on this page - simple as that. I'm up for it - so lets get started!!


Week One

Tell us a little bit about yourself. What makes you, you?

First and foremost I am a MOTHER. Sometimes I forget that I am anything else. I have a husband of 7 years (in Aug) and 2 beautiful children - Charlie, almost 6 and Lucy, almost 3. I absolutely adore being a mother to my children (although challenging most days!!) and feel blessed to have such wonderful little people to guide through life!!

I work as a Veterinary Nurse in the field of Emergency and Critical Care - which is a profession that I feel I was made for. I have been a vegetarian for 20years this year and I have always been drawn to the animal world - in this job, I nurse and care for sick and injured animals in so many interesting and fascinating ways - there is never a dull moment. I have further responsibilities as the Training Coordinator which sees me working with new people and sharing my skills and knowledge with up and coming nurses - to say that my job is rewarding is an understatement!! HOWEVER the world of emergency veterinary medicine, as exciting as it is, comes with a little drawback (that you get used to) - shift work - nights and weekends!! Lucky for me, my kids never have to be in care outside the home (except school and the grandparents of course) Because there is always someone at home with them while Mummy is at work!!

I am a person that I think alot of people who know me would describe a "out going" or "bubbly" or even maybe "extroverted"...... and I enjoy being this person around people I feel comfortable with - but in reality - I live in a world where I constantly judge myself and constantly (not deliberately) obsess over the thoughts of others. Its Paralysing and something that I am working on everyday to overcome.

Why did you decide to do the 12WBT?

Last September I found myself at the beginning of the month where I would turn 30!! (massive right!!??) I had promised myself at the beginning of the year (as we do...) that by my birthday I was going to be rocking the body of my dreams - but as usual, yo-yo dieting, relying on that ever nowhere-to-be-seen-when-you-need-it "motivation" - I ate my way into a body that was NOT a-rockin - but a-wobblin'!! I saw and passed 70kg - a weight I had not been since I was pregnant with my daughter 2 years earlier!! I was struggling everday with being me and I was sufficating in my own self loathing and desperation!!

I was sitting in the classroom one day, changing over the home reader books for the kids, thinking to myself how "today was going to be the day" where I HAD to get going with my weight loss - my birthday was 3 weeks away and I was NO WHERE near close to putting in any effort to lose the weight I so dreamt of losing before I turned 30 - If i could get started and lose a few kilos by my birthday I could hold my head high that I was trying to make a difference - I did not want to get to that life milestone and be miserable that I was the fattest I'd been since pregnancy and had done NOTHING to change it!! Then in came a fellow mum, Leah, who had just joined Round 3 2011 of 12WBT - she was so excited and told me all about the program (which I'd heard about in the past) - I sat there and said "I'll join!! I'm doing this with you!" There were only days left for sign up and I got home that day and signed up and started my pre-season tasks that would change my mindset and begin the program that has changed my life!!

What are you hoping to achieve through the program?

Last round I wanted to lost 9kg and gained a life I had never dreamt of with more confidence and self esteem than I have ever had in my (now) 30 years!!

This round I have joined LEAN & STRONG with the aim of saying good bye to my "stubbon wobbly bits" forever!! I no longer desire to be thin - I desire to be Tight Tonned and Terrific!!

I would love to achieve and maintain a weight under 60kg, to be able to gratuate to pushups on my toes, to sculpt my body so for the first time in my life I can have a flat tummy and a rockin hod bod!!

I have battled with eating disorders, a terribly destructive mindset and a lack of self esteem since I can remember. I used to dream of waif - I now dream of a sixpack!! This round I want to toss out the conforming 'suck in' suits I wear EVERY day and be comfortable in my own skin - maybe even comfortable showing a little skin too!!

Why have you decided to blog about the 12WBT? What will be the main focus (eg, food, exercise, a bit of everything?)

Mindset is definately VERY crucial for me. So blogging feels like therapy!! Straightening out all those negative clouds that surround me. This is my first ever blog - but I'm slowly working it all out. I am really loving getting my thoughts out there - hoping that it makes sense to someone else. I am excited to share with other 12WBT'ers :)

I am (slowly) creating pages where I will post my favourite menu items and track the progress of my workouts.

How will you be exercising this round? Gym, home, outdoors or a mixture?

This round is my first round of Lean and Strog - The gym will be my new home!! I will complete my "Core Strength and Flexibility" days (Wednesdays) at home, as I work a day shift on Wednesday and this will all fit better for me. But I've got a yoga mat, a set of (well cushioned abs) and some determination - so I'll get on just fine at home one day a week.

What is your greatest strength that will help you?

Holy Moly.......hard question...... desperation?? Is that I strength?? I am just so desperate to see a positive change in my body shape and I am determined (ooo that's a strength) to pull this off!!

What are you afraid of?

I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid that I won't meet my goals! Last round I set a goal of 12kg to lose in 12 weeks - half way through I re-evaluated my progress and realised that I'd have to move my goal posts a little closer in to the 10kg mark. Come final weigh in I was 1kg short!! I bawled my eyes out!! I felt that I had failed even though I had come so far!!

I have told myself "no tears this time" whether I reach my body fat goal or not - I am going to have the BEST body and be the BEST version of myself that I have ever had!!


What are you looking forward to the most over the next 12 weeks?

I'm looking forward to a few things:

• Watching the weights that I can lift go up and up!! I'm so excited by that!!
• Seeing the progress on my shape - actually tonning up instead of slimming down!
• Meeting myself in 12weeks time - knowing that I've given it my all - I'll be excited to look in the mirror and smile - instead of cringe.

What is your downfall? Food? Exercise? How will you overcome this?

One word - SUGAR!!!

I have a sweet tooth like no bodies business!! Food could definately be my downfall.

I have found that when I keep a food diary - I keep it clean - If I don't write it down - i fall off the wagon. So this round I have committed to a daily food diary - I have them all drawn up on each page of my diary - I must be accountable.

I've also got this on my fridge....

If you had to pick one word to motivate you over the next 12 weeks, what would you choose?

STRONG!!!!